Do You Use Denial Daily?
First, what is denial? According to the saying, we are not going to talk about the “river in Egypt.”
Denial is a primitive defensive mechanism that we use to restrict the disagreeable realities that we face daily. Does that make “denial” a bad thing? Not if it is used to protect a person from the full impact of a traumatic event such as a severe accident, violent death of a loved one or rape. It allows us to handle the experience at a pace in which we can handle the event with comfort.
Unfortunately too many use denial to avoid discussing unpleasant topics, to ignore or deny criticism, not acknowledging the presence of others we disagree with or to admit or face the everyday problems we have. Denial of problems keeps individuals from reaching their potentials and goals. They become stuck in a routine and become unhappy or dissatisfied with their personal and professional lives. They without knowing it are sabotaging their chances for success at work and happiness in their personal lives. They become resentful of those around them that appear to be succeeding or are happy with their lives. If they are in the position of power, they will use techniques like anger and threats to keep those subordinate to them “in line.” What happens in their personal lives? For a short trip down memory lane for those that may have participated in an organized sport with a coach, you heard the following. “The way you practice is the way you will play” (Boy did I hear that a lot.) Guess what? Work is your practice field. Your personal life is the game field. Many of those sabotaging behaviors in our professional life are carried over to our personal lives pushing our loved ones and friends away. Ever hear of the saying, “It’s lonely at the top.” Well it is not always the top that is the lonely place. One needs to examine their own life and be honest with themselves about how they use denial and how it is affecting their professional and personal lives.
What does one do if they know they are in denial? Let me begin by asking a question of those that have had surgery performed. What does the surgeon have to do to you before you get better? The common answer is to put you to sleep. The real answer is they have to hurt you first before you get better, the reason for putting you under.
One needs to identify the reasons for denial, confront those reasons and begin working on both the denial and the realities being avoided.
Confronting Denial
Confronting the reasons, events or situations that one has been denying can be painful, scary and stressful, thus the reason for the denial in the first place. Some life situations one can meet head on by themselves and deal with them. Others require the assistance of someone else to help them confront, deal with and give much needed support during these stressful times so one can reach their potentials and goals. That person must be non-judgmental, accepting you, as you are, willing to be there for you when you need them and most of all keep everything confidential.
If you or someone you know is sabotaging their personal or professional lives by using denial and needs the assistance of another, contact us. At Personal Development Group we are experienced at working with and assisting individuals through the stages of denial and working on those situations that are being avoided.
Quote For The Month
“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, and confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
Melody Beattie
Once a person becomes accepting of what they have been denying, they begin to reach their potentials and goals, becoming more successful and more contented with their professional and personal lives. The decision is yours. I am sure you will do the right thing for yourself and those around you.
